Below are a few gems from my ongoing collection of oddly parsed or punctuated phrases.
How in the world do misleading headlines such as this, below, become approved for print???
Sen. Sherrod Brown is battling opioid abuse and fights for coal miner healthcare
The headline wrongly implies Sherrod Brown has an opioid abuse problem of his own.
Why do (some) people write/say, "Happy BELATED birthday"? The birthday didn't happen late, their greeting did!
More and more often I'm reading and hearing "that" when referring to humans. I know language shifts and changes with the times, but really, humans are "who," as in, "The man WHO rode the bicycle..."
Merle Haggard dies on 79th Birthday of Pneumonia
Well, who knew "pneumonia" had a birthday? Well, why not? My bologna has a name!
[Designer] commented on the hideous bridesmaid's dress.
Really not nice to make a derogatory comment about the looks of the bridesmaid.
[She] took on the case of a young man who, due to neurological damage, spoke sentences backwards in order to test new technology.
Yes, I know what was meant. But the sentence implies the young man spoke the way he did so that the technology could be tested!
This is a shot of a humpback whale captured on the Columbia River.
Seriously, the whale was captured on the Columbia River? Wow! Poor whale.
Some birds, like this wild American Whiskey Symbol, lay their eggs ... .
I immediately checked my bird book for a bird named, "American Whiskey Symbol," or "Whiskey Symbol." Nope, no such. Hmmm. Oh, the speaker is referring to the wild turkey pictured on a brand of American whiskey. Ah-ha.
He vandalized the car while he was driving with a knife.
Okay, he was driving with a knife. But, how did he vandalize the car?
The Smith's [insert any name] invite you to their ...
The Smith's what? Their dog, their cat, their grandma? Apostrophe overload again!
Authorities are investigating a man's death after a Nebraska farmer found his body in a barrel ...
That is a true "out of body" experience.
Oregon State Patrol officials said ... they responded to a report of illegal livestock being killed and butchered.
Those darned "illegal livestock." Will they never learn?
...Latvian-manufactured drug popular for fighting heart disease in former Soviet countries.
Don't you wonder why it only fights "heart disease in former Soviet countries"?
Ranchers drove cows and pigs to the slaughterhouse on horseback.
Now that's a funny mental picture: cows and pigs on horseback! Awww, Smithsonian.
He is married to his wife, ...
Well, I should hope so!
[more to come ... and yes, correct &/or question me any time! I love this stuff!]
