The rules I chose to break; the
instructions I should have followed; the higher education I could have pursued;
the job I didn’t accept; the man I might have married; the life-style changes I
could have made; the money I should have saved; the wiser parenting I should
have done—periodically all these thoughts, and many more of the same ilk, wend
through my mind. However, in each instance and at the time, I chose to do what
seemed right.
It’s easy to
think “it” might have been so much better if only life had given us a break (or
a hint!) now and then or if only we’d known how “it” would eventually turn out.
Of course, that’s
entirely a case of ruminating over personal choices in the past and often
thinking the outcomes would have been oh, so much better, happier, easier,
nicer, more comfortable if we’d chosen a different path.
Admittedly, the majority
of these thoughts of mine are egocentric and selfish. In truth, I have no reason
to believe my own life would have been any better had I made different choices;
it might have been vastly disappointing.
II
I’ve been thinking of
three sets of friends who (and this is fact) have each lost a child within the
past year. For the most part, these adult children exuded creativity,
enthusiasm for life and love of family as well as intellectual and physical
stamina.
Grieving family and
friends have every reason to harbor thoughts of “it might have been,” and “if
only….” I certainly don’t consider these thoughts selfish or self-centered (in
the way I view my own).
I imagine loved ones
dwelling on potentials never met, roads never traveled and their own arms
ever-aching for a hug, if only…
For all sad words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are these, 'It might have been'
~John
Greenleaf Whittier
In the case of my friends and their losses, the words, “it might
have been” are truly sad, anguished and haunting.
